Reflection of 2014

a1I started this blog in March of 2013 mainly for my own sanity with coming to terms that my son has autism.  I thought that if I told our story from the heart that it would help me and possibly help others along the way.  This blog became more than I ever dreamed it would.  I have met/talked with so many wonderful parents that have children on the spectrum and I have met/talked with great parents of children that are not on the spectrum but can relate because their child has a different special need – AND I have also met/talked with magnificent people who just wanted to learn about autism and wanted to support and love us.  The compassion, hope and love has been overwhelming.

2014 was a good year… mainly because Carter has grown so much.  What I mean by grown is that he has come leaps and bounds from when he was diagnosed in Feb. 2013.  I couldn’t be any more proud of him.  Yes… he has had some uneasy moments BUT the improvements he has made outweighs the bumps in the road by miles.

My son has autism… we all have “something”… his just happens to have a name… a diagnosis…

As he reminds me – I seem to have been the one that had the problem of coming to terms with the spectrum.  In his words… “Autism makes you talk to people about me and others with it.  You and daddy ask me not to talk about things, like Skylanders and Mario, over and over … I try not too.  Sometimes I get angry and cry.   It is something you say I have but I don’t feel like I have.  I don’t feel different.  Umm – I don’t know what feeling different is. ”

a2Different is what we as a society make it…  my son doesn’t know what different is… and you know what… I am sure there are those that think I am different…that think you are different.   HONESTLY what is DIFFERENT?   If different is being funny, talkative, loving, creative, smart, lover of life, happy, brilliant… then yes, my son is different.  We all have quirks… and I love every little quirk my son has.  God made him perfect in his own way.  I for one will never again try to change perfect.

Carter has become more aware of the word autism.  From our conversations I fear that he thinks it is something bad.  I don’t want him to think that autism makes him “bad”.   I also fear that me bringing our family out in the public with our life with autism may impact him in a negative way in the future.  I want him to be able to date a girl that he likes and not have her parents not want her to date him because “he has autism”.  I want him to have all kinds of friends and be able to sleep over at a friends house with out that the parent saying “no, we better not – he has autism and not sure if that is a good idea”… Or  “You can be nice to him but you don’t need to be friends with him because he has autism”…  I know these scenarios sound harsh… but I have heard this from many autism parents that have a child this has happened too.  I don’t want this for Carter.    I don’t hide his autism… yet, I don’t want him to suffer because I have made it public.  So many people did not/do not know he is on the spectrum until I told/tell them…   This is my heart, my fears everyday…  I still struggle… I probably always will…

aIn 2015 I will not be as “out there” about his autism.  I will continue to support autism awareness through different avenues of advocacy … However, Carter has let me know he is not comfortable with me advocating publicly for him… tying his name with autism.  Until he is ready to tell his story himself –  I must honor his thoughts and  feelings…

From the bottom of my heart – I thank you for supporting Carter, supporting us and becoming more knowledgeable about the Autism Spectrum Disorder.  You all have helped me tremendously and for that – I will be forever grateful.

Don’t forget about April 2015 – Autism Awareness Month and April 2nd is Light It Up Blue.  We will definitely be a part of it in some great ways – ways that Carter wants to be a part of it…

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and here is to a NEW YEAR – 2015!

God Bless!

 

 

 

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