I don’t write about my oldest son, Will, as much as I do about Carter. Mainly because Will is 10 years old and prefers that he is not mentioned very often in this blog and on facebook. The past 6 months – when he does or says something silly he tells me “Don’t you put that on facebook” and then he laughs and laughs. So, I honor his request because he is getting older and he embarrasses very easy.
However – today I am going to write about him. In hopes that one day he will read my blog/book and my words that I say/feel about him.
When I first started writing this blog post it was a downer and was doom and gloom. I was hurting – I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. Reality sucks sometimes. I read it and it was HORRIBLE. I asked myself “What can I take away from the experience? What did I learn? How can I make this a positive post?” So… I thought about it… I erased every word I had written… and … ….
Last night my mother-in-law, Wendy, and I took the boys and my niece, Sophie, to the movie theater to see ‘Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day’. It was a cute movie and we all enjoyed it. After the movie let out – the kids wanted to play the ‘claw’ game. You know – the silly game that has the dangling claw… you have to maneuver it around with a joystick… push the button on the joystick… hold your breath as the claw enters down into the sea of stuffed animals or plastic ducks… the claw opens and wraps itself around one of the stuffed animals or plastic ducks… it has the stuffed animal/duck in its metal grasp… as it pulls up and up you get so excited because you think you have won a stuffed animal/plastic duck for 50 cents… as it moves towards the drop hole… it… it… loses its metal grasp and drops it back into the sea of stuffed animals/plastic ducks… you get so mad that you are determined to do it again and again until you win the golden prize… by the time you win a stuffed animal/plastic duck you have spent not 50 cents but $10. Yeah – I hate this game.
Carter is pretty good at the claw game. He wins about every time he plays. Well, last night was not the case for him. I told the kids I was out of money and we couldn’t play the game anymore. Carter was not happy. NOT HAPPY AT ALL. He started having a major melt down. Nothing we could say or do would help him. (He has had 2 melt downs this week – which it has been months since he has had any.) Wendy had one of his arms and I had the other. We both pulled on him trying to get him out of the movie theater door. Long story short – we made it to the end of the side walk and he was screaming so loud dogs would have started howling. Will and Sophie were already at the car. I had to yell for Sophie to come back to me, get my purse and pull out the keys. All the while, Wendy and I are still pulling on Carter to get him to the car. A man walks by and says “If that was my boy I would whoop him”… if I hadn’t been dealing with my child having an autistic melt down I would have whooped that man… no, I really wouldn’t have but I would have put him in his place. Side Note… be kind… you have no idea what people are going through and know that your 2 cents is not necessary. Finally, we got Carter to the car. Carter was fighting tooth and nail and refused to get in the car. My adrenaline was pumping – I bear hugged him and some how got him in the car. (Carter is strong – REALLY strong… he is also 60 lbs) Wendy went over to Sophie and Will to keep them entertained as I fought Carter on buckling him up. I had to bear hug him again… and talk as calmly as I could to him. The whole time he continued to scream. With the grace of God I was able to get the seat belt buckled. We all piled into the car and I quietly fell a part. Carter has come so far from where he was 2 years ago . There are days that I question did the doctors get his diagnosis right. However, last night the realization that autism is still ugly, still invading my child… it was like someone had kicked me in the gut over and over again.
On the drive home, sweet Will sat right beside his brother. He calmly talked to Carter and he would stop crying as long as Will was talking to him. Will has this way with Carter that no one else has. Carter listens to him. The beauty of this relationship… I can’t even explain. When we got to Wendy’s house she wanted to know if she could take Will while I dealt with Carter. I told her that was fine. I explained to Carter what was happening and that I would run through the McDonald’s drive through and pick him up supper. I knew if I mentioned McDonald’s that Carter would be fine with Will leaving… and he was.
Carter and I arrived home and Todd met us at the door. While Carter was eating – I explained the evening to Todd. Then – I called my mother-in-law to check on Will. She asked me if I saw Will when Carter started having the melt down. I had not. She said as soon as Carter started coming unglued that Will placed his hands over his ears… like he knew what was about to happen. My heart broke. She also told me that Will wanted to spend the night.. but he decided not to because he was afraid that Carter would be upset. I asked her to let me speak with Will and this was our conversation….
Will: Hi Mom!
Me: Hi Baby! Mimi tells me you would like to spend the night.
Will: Yeah but I am not going to because Carter will be upset. I don’t want him to be upset.
Me: Honey, he is fine. He is eating McDonald’s and watching cartoons. He is fine.
Will: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, Will. You can spend the night.
He takes the phone away from his mouth and excitedly yells to Sophie: Sophie!!! I am going to spend the night!!!!
My son, Will… thinks of others before he thinks of himself. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone… specially his brother. My son, Will… has the heart of gold. My son, Will… gets left in the shadows of Carter sometimes and never whimpers. My son, Will… is admired by so many because of his love of everyone, his kindness and humbleness. My son, Will… is mighty.
I don’t think I can ever write the words explaining how honored I am to be Will’s mother. He makes my downs days much brighter… he makes my heart much lighter… he is a special child… I know this. I have so many people tell me how blessed they are to know him. That makes a mother feel like she is doing something right… I am not sure what that right is… but I am doing it.
There is something about Will…there is just something about him… I know he is going to change this world for the better. Just his presence makes my life better – makes this world better.
My Will is mighty in his own right…