Let It Go

These two are the reasons I do what I do.

These two are the reasons I do what I do.

Life throws you curve balls – doesn’t it?  We all have things that are unexpected that happen in our lives.  When I became a mother I never thought I would be a mother to a child with autism.  That thought never entered my head when I saw the positive pregnancy test.  That’s life… always keeping you surprised.

My life has had its lows and its highs.  The highs outweigh the lows.  I try to stay positive – because being down and out all the time is no fun.  When I do have the “down and outs” I tell myself – “REALLY!?!  Look at the positive in your life – you have a lot of positive – get over yourself!”…  I recently had some lows in my life with something that has weighed on my heart for months now.  Several weeks ago – the truth was brought to light and I decided to let it go.  I no longer want the ugliness and the worry in my life – so I let it go.  Like the song says “Let it go, let it go…Can’t hold it back anymore…Let it go, let it go…Turn away and slam the door!”  If one does not take control of a situation in their life – then one will become so low that it is hard to find that high again.  At least that is how I feel.

Although I am very open when I write – in person, it takes a lot for me to open up my mind and heart to others  unless I really,  really know you.  I am guarded to a certain extent due to things that have happened in my past.  I have to truly get to know you before I open up and trust.  Yes, the person you “read” on CartWills has a hard time sometimes expressing herself in person. 🙂

I share my life – our lives with autism with each of you because 1) it is an outlet for me and 2) I hope that my/our story helps others.  Yes, I have gotten slack for being tooooo open.  I have gotten slack from those that say I am making this “all about me”.  I have gotten slack because there are those that have said I am one sided on the issue (which I don’t feel I am).  That’s okay – I know that putting my/our life out there regarding autism or anything – could and has had its backlash.  HOWEVER, I continue to write and advocate because through CartWills others have been helped.  The positive through all of this is – I feel I have and will continue to make a difference.   I have strangers that reach out for help or advice.  I am not a doctor nor a therapist – but I try to point people in the right direction.  Just the other day I had a grandmother call me because she saw the interview WitFromWhitt (click here if you haven’t seen it) did on our family regarding autism (yes, it is still running on our local TV station).  She had concerns about her grandson and she and her daughter-in-law are at a loss on what to do.  I pointed her in the ‘what I thought was right’ direction.  I hope and pray that they are able to get the help that their loved one needs.  They had no one to turn to – no one they knew that had a child with autism – so they looked me up in the phone book.

I received this email a few months ago (Patty gave me permission to post)…

Dear Shana,

You do not know me, however I feel that I know you . I found your blog through searches and have been an avid reader for several months now. I just want you to know how much you have helped me. I have a daughter on the spectrum. I wish that my voice was as loud as yours. I am so wrapped up in her well-being that I forget that there are others out there that struggle just as much as I do. When I have a down day, I turn to your blog. I read your encouraging words not just for your son and your family but for other families that you have made your own. One of my favorite post of yours is “Amazing Grace”. The words you wrote “Through all of this – I know that even though I gave up on God – He has never and will never give up on me.” Truly spoke to me. This is how I feel. Each and every word. I gave up on God many years ago but you have opened my eyes and I am letting him back in. I just wanted you to know that you have not only touched me with your encouraging words of support for ASD parents but you have brought God back to me. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I hope to someday meet you in person but until then. Please know that you are helping those that sometimes can’t help themselves.

Blessings, Patty James Stockbridge, Georgia

What I am getting at is – even though you may have those that seem to be against you or say things about you in anything and everything you do – you have to look at the positive in life.  I will continue to write, I will continue to advocate, I will continue to be me – there are always going to be those few people out there who are going to want to knock you down – twist your words – make you out to be someone you’re not.  HOWEVER – there are a lot more people out there that love you, support you and need you… isn’t that what truly matters?  Life is funny – but it is so darn fun!

Thank you for being the ones that love, support, educate and advocate with us and when you have a bad day, month, year… it is okay to LET IT GO!!!

Let It Go
written by Robert Lopez, Kristen Anderson-lopez.

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation,
and it looks like I’m the Queen
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in;
Heaven knows I’ve tried

Don’t let them in,
don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel,
don’t let them know
Well now they know

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore

Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don’t care
what they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on.
The cold never bothered me anyway

It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all

It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me,
I’m free!

Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You’ll never see me cry
Here I stand
And here I’ll stay
Let the storm rage on

My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back, the past is in the past

Let it go, let it go
And I’ll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on

The cold never bothered me anyway!

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