Major? Minor? Pinch Me…

This year, for our little family,  has started out to be a good one.  As I explained in my last post “We’ve Come So Far” – Carter has come so far in just a year and our outlook on autism has too.  I have bragged so much on him I knew that we would have a “not so good day” eventually… just that mother’s hunch.  What I mean by not so good is a MARJOR/MINOR  break down.  Let me explain…

At church Wednesday night –  Carter had a “major/minor” break down.  You may be saying “Major/Minor” –  that makes NO sense!  Well the break down seemed major at the time but the “afterward” made it minor.  In Carter’s church choir – they not only learn new songs to sing – but they also learn bible stories and get to play games and do art projects.  Wednesday night they were learning about David and Goliath.  I am not sure what the art project was suppose to be – but it was a paper cup that had a string attached to the bottom and at the bottom of the string there was a small fuzzy pom-pom.    Wait… let me back up…

While the kids are in choir – I am in my book club.  We are reading “One Month To Live” by Kerry and Chris Shook.  I am on the 10th chapter – I highly recommend this book and will probably write a little bit about it later.  Anyway – my book club is just a few doors down from Carter’s choir.  On Wednesday night at the end of the book club’s meeting – I heard screaming coming from Carter’s choir room.  I thought to myself – “That sounds like Carter.”  – SURELY NOT!!!  The screaming continued…  I tuned out everything that was being said in the book club and focused in on the screaming… sure enough – YEP!!  I jumped up and excused myself from the meeting.   As I walked down the hall towards Carter’s choir room – the screams were getting loader and loader.  When I got to the room Carter was all to pieces.  He was upset because his fuzzy pom-pom at the end of the cup string was not GREEN!!!    His choir teacher explained to me and to Carter that she did not have green.

pomHe was standing up – then in the floor – then kicking – screaming “I want a GREEN one”.  I finally got him to stop for a second… I had eye contact with him…  I calmly tried to talk to him telling him that there was no GREEN and even if there was a GREEN – there was NO NEED of him to act the way he was acting.  I told him to put on his coat – I thought I had him under control when – WHAAAAHHHHAHHHHHAHHHHHAHAHHHHH….. he started all over again….  “I WANT A GREEN ONE”!!!  I told him if he did not stop that he would not get the Skylander he ordered that was waiting on him at home.  He did not care – HE WANTED THE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN ONE!!!!   I had done all I knew to do – so I walked out the door – and proceeded to go and get my sister who is also in the book club.  I thought that maybe he would respond to her.  When she walked in and tried to talk with him – Well, he was not having her.  He didn’t care what she said – what I said – what ANYONE said.  He wanted the whole world to know at the top of his lungs that …… HE WANTED THE GREEN ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    I finally just took him by the hand, left his choir room and walked him to the other end of the church to pick up his brother from his choir practice… all the while he was screaming and crying.  I mustard up a smile and just nodded to everyone I passed.   Needless to say – when we got in the car – he was still screaming – “I want a GREENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN one”!

We FINALLY made it home… when we entered the house – my husband was cooking supper.  He looked at me like I had 2 heads.  “What is going on?”  he asked.   I explained what happened… in the meanwhile Carter was still screaming about the GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNN pom-pom.  I explained to my husband that I told Carter if he continued acting the way he was acting that he would not get the Skylander.  My husband informed me he had put it on Carter’s bed.  I walked back to Carter’s room – picked up the Skylander box… walked back to the kitchen and placed the box on top of the refrigerator.    Carter saw me.  He looked at me- looked at my husband… then all of a sudden S-I-L-E-N-C-E!    He looked up at the refrigerator and just starred at the Skylander box.

I pulled Carter over to the dining room chair – I made him look me in the eyes…  I calmly replayed the GREEENNNN ONE situation over with him.  At the end of the conversation – I asked Carter what the issue was.  He  quietly responded with… “All I wanted was a green one.  I was angry.”  I told him I understood that he was upset but that was no reason to act the way he did.  I asked him if he thought he deserved the Skylander.  He looked blankly at me and what seemed like an eternity of a blank stare – he finally said “No, I don’t.”  He then told me he needed to call Mrs. Sue and Mrs. Judy, his choir teachers, and tell them he was sorry.  Yes, you heard me right…  he thought about what he had done… he knew that his behavior was not good behavior and he wanted to apologize.  I was floored.  Hallelujah – somebody pinch me!

cart1So – he called Mrs. Sue and Mrs. Judy and apologized.

and…

He did not ask for the prized Skylander…

He ate his supper….

Brushed his teeth…

and when I put him to bed he said to me  “I’m sorry that Mrs. Sue did not have a green one.  I’m sorry that I cried about the green one.  I will not cry for a green one ever again.”

I replied – “Carter, it didn’t matter what color the pom-pom was.  If Mrs. Sue did not have a green one, a purple one, an orange one… it didn’t matter… you should never act that way.  It doesn’t make people feel good when you act that way.   Screaming like that hurts my heart and you need to try really hard not to get so upset over something that can’t be helped.”

He responded with “I know. I know. I know.  Next time I get angry – I will just scream in my head.”

Well – there you have it….  the major breakdown – was really minor…   BECAUSE…  he finally calmed himself down after about 45 minutes… he thought about what he had done… he knew he did wrong… he wanted to apologize… he didn’t ask for the prized Skylander because he didn’t think he deserved it… and he did this all on his own!!!   When he use to have “MAJOR” breakdowns – he couldn’t think it through and the breakdowns would last forever…

So, for me – Yes, Wednesday night was kinda a roller-coaster – but the end of the ride was the best part… Carter is learning… and the MAJOR is becoming MINOR… and this mommy is so glad and so proud!!!  We are getting there – slowly but surely!!!

“Even though we often mess up, most of us are doing the best that we know how with the circumstances that surround us.” ― Richard Carlson

 

“My present challenge isn’t “life or death” but simply a minor obstacle that must be dealt with.” ― Richard Carlson

 

 

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