Cry Just A Little For Me

cjalfmToday has been filled with doctor appointments for both myself and Carter.  As soon as I left my doctor’s appointment I received a call from the school to pick Carter up from school today because he has been having tummy issues for over a week (this is the 2nd time in a week I got a call from school to pick him up due to his tummy).  So this afternoon I took him to the doctor – like I said the tummy issues have been a week long battle. His doctor said he has a tummy virus that is just lingering on.  He has to stay out of school tomorrow and if not better he will be out Friday as well.

So – on to “Cry Just A Little For Me”…

While at the doctor’s office Carter was coloring right before the doctor came in… When the doctor came in and needed to check his tummy he had issues putting the colors down because he was not done coloring his page.  Carter has issues moving on from one thing to the next if he is not finished with what he is working on… he almost has like an anxiety attack.  The doctor was kind enough to let him finish coloring the page before she checked his tummy.   Once he finished coloring he was all ready for her to check him out.  She checked him out and let him go back to coloring while she spoke with me.  While she and I were talking Carter kept interrupting me because he wanted me to pick out the colors he should color with.  I quickly told him which colors because I knew he wouldn’t stop until I told him.  As she and I continued to speak – he interrupted again and was so upset because he colored the pants on the boy red instead of blue and he meant to color them blue.  I told him that everyone makes mistakes and he could just color over the red with the blue.  He tried doing that but was still upset.  So, I quickly tried to get his mind off of his “mistake” and told him to color a picture for the doctor… luckily that worked.  He colored a picture for her while she and I finished up our conversation.  After he was done with coloring the picture he proudly gave it to her.  She was super sweet and went on and on how much she liked it and asked him to write his name on it.  After he gave the picture back to her with his name on it she thanked him and left the room.  I explained to him it was time to go and he did not want to go because he wanted to continue to color there.  So, that was a battle… FINALLY, I got him out of the room and made it to the receptionist window to pay.  The whole time I was writing my co-pay he was saying “I DON’T WANT TO GO!  I DON’T WANT TO GO!”…  I kept trying to play it cool but at this point a simple doctor’s visit was turning into a little battle.  I finished writing my check and getting his doctor’s note for school – I had to massage his shoulders as we walked out the door trying to calm him so he wouldn’t get louder with “I DON’T WANT TO GO!  I DON’T WANT TO GO!”.  We got out to the car and he was still fussing… I was trying to not let it get to me.  I put him in his booster seat and buckled him in… he had a come a part because I buckled him.  So, I had to unbuckle him and let him buckle himself.  As we drove off he continued with the “I DON’T WANT TO GO!  I DON’T WANT TO GO!” – I finally said “WE ARE ALREADY GONE!  When we get home you can color there.”   He screams “I DON’T WANT TO COLOR AT HOME… I WANT TO COLOR AT THE DOCTOR.”  So, I tried singing to him to take his mind off of coloring.  That didn’t work… so, then I started counting.  That didn’t work… so, then I started talking about his favorite subject “Skylanders”.  That didn’t work… I was at my wits end… and… and…  I lost it…  I started crying.  I cried… I told him that I couldn’t take him back to the doctor and that mommy was taking him home so he could lay on the couch and color.  I explained to him that I just wanted him to feel better and that mommy was doing everything she could to help him and I did not know what else to do.  He went silent… and then he said through his tears…  “I Love You, Mommy.”    WHAT?  Did I just hear that…  did I just feel that???  He understood I was upset and reassured me he loved me????

Sometimes being overwhelmed is all I have… and it’s okay to “Cry Just a Little For Me” …

“Could you cry a little? Lie just a little? Pretend that you’re feeling a little more pain? I gave now I’m wanting something in return. So cry just a little for me” ~ Faith Hill “Cry”




7 thoughts on “Cry Just A Little For Me

  1. Oh Shana I do probably get it better than anyone.I had to go to the Social Security office last week. Logan did great while I was talking to the lady.He did continue to hum pretty loud but that wasn’t the bad part.They had the TV on and there was a song or music playing in the back ground.Just as I got Logan to the door he broke loose from me and ran back to the TV. Take in mind I’m only 4 foot 9 and he is almost 5 foot if not over a bit. I could not get him to come and go. The guard ended up helping me excort him out the door and you would know the place was packed.So please say a prayer for me, We have to return tomorrow.So I do understand the tears and that’s ok.Sometimes mommies need to have their own meltdowns. But also rejoice that he realized you were upset.That is a huge mile stone right there….From one mommy to another ,maybe we can get together and just meltdown sometimes.


    • Darlene… prayers are always with you. I do not have a lot of breakdowns like this… but something about today did it for me. Let’s do try to meet up sometime… I would love to meet Logan and for you to meet Carter. Maybe Logan can teach Carter a thing or two about music. 🙂


      • Yes we will make the happen.
        No I think we learn to be very strong and are always on guard.But ever once in awhile the tears just need to flow.


  2. This was just a bad day sweetie but in the end a precious confirmation that he does feel for others. I know you’ll have more really rough days like this so know I’m there if you need me, sometimes a mom has to vent. Love ya…


  3. Oh Shana I am so glad to see how you are embracing your son’s current condition! I met both of your sons in August when their grandparents brought him to Al Bass’ memorial in Meridianville. Kathy has asked me to contact you, and ive just kept letting it fall through the cracks… but today she sent me a link to your blog. Singe you wrote this post on my birthday and based it upon a song written by my favorite songwriter and musician, Angie Aparo, I just had to comment. I have so much hope to share with you. I will email soon and look forward to sharing autism recovery stories with you. You’re an amazing mom. Thanks for what you are doing with this blog!


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